I love to write and have been desperate to write for weeks. But I have been so confused, and border-line overwhelmed with what's going on in the UK I did not think I could write my thoughts.
But the one thing I do know is that we desperately need transparency, so here you go, I will start - in full knowledge that I am likely to be criticised and mis-understood, because here in the UK that is all too often our first response.So here it is; I am confused, angry, and despondent about what is going on in the UK, but also I am feeling lost. I feel that I can not speak what is really going on for me as I do not know if I have any allies. I honestly do not know who I can talk to. I am just going to spill out my thoughts and hope that they make some sort of sense. Being dyspraxic I can guarantee that they will not be ordered or structured, so if you manage to read this, well done you!
My story is that I am an English, white, working class woman, who by the strict UK code has now moved into the middle class life style. I am proud of my roots as I have learnt a lot of good stuff, but I am not blindly proud. I experienced violence and many of my people are border line racist. Not horrible people, not at all, they are very kind, but they have grown up with a life of scarcity and fear that others are coming to take our limited resources.
People say class isn't real. They are people that were not raised working class, believe me I have felt it and internalised that oppression and I still see the snobbery and prejudice every day. I am also very aware of what is said about the white working classes.
My conflict right now is that we have a rise of racist attacks following so called Brexit. These public attacks are mostly being carried out by white working class men and women. And I don't like that one bit, in fact I fight it with every part of my being.
And then we have other people saying that these folk are just stupid and ignorant. Words regularly used about the working classes ( I once sat eating my lunch at a workshop while middle class people explained to me that the definition of working class is lack of education).
I am told I don't understand the Black experience. Of course I don't. I don't understand the Polish experience, or the Romanian experience..... But I do understand oppression and I do understand violence. And I do understand that there are people with power who are not working class and not Black who have whipped up a fear of lack of resource and a hatred of outsiders. And just to be clear, these people by the way do not suffer from lack of resource, far from it. They may lack compassion and connectedness, but they are NOT poor.
So where do I belong? Do I join in and condemn my people? do I sit with the 'nice people' who say nothing because I am now officially middle class? or do I just keep talking and trying to figure out how to make a difference in a situation where there are apparently two sides firmly entrenched in their positions?
I know that white working class people have NOTHING to gain from attacking Black people, Polish people ... The people who will gain from this are sitting watching all this in their nice large cosy homes with plenty to eat and drink. They are not fearing benefit cuts, they do not fear being made homeless if they get ill...
I do not know what to do, but I do know that we need transparency. It needs to be unlawful for politicians to lie to the electorate. It needs to be exposed who is lining their own pockets from our distress.
I recently watched Brenie Brown's talk on vulnerability and I understand that we need to be willing to be vulnerable. I am willing for people to tell me I'm an idiot if they can help me shed some light and gain some clarity.
Brenie talks about whole heartedness, and I want that. I want the people of the UK to no longer fear scarcity (there is more than enough for everyone) and to dump this out-dated notion of Great Britain as a nation of superior people. We are not superior. No one is. Being rich, dropping bombs, yelling hatred at others does not making anyone superior - neither does remaining silent.
We are in a horrible mess, this mess was not made by the working classes and it was not made by Black people, refugees, or those coming here to work. It has been caused by war and greed and people in power who seek to protect their own interests.
I am confused, distressed, feeling isolated and I know there is no simple answer. I will show my vulnerability with the hope of becoming wholehearted - and I will not be silent.
